Is It Over Yet?

Ways to Pretend to Work While Waiting for Lunch Hour:
1. Write blog. The typing sounds make it seem like I’m actually working.
2. Go to bathroom even though I don’t need to go.
3. Look at that! I’m out of Diet Coke.
4. Open all the drawers in the Supply Room and see if there’s anything new that I don’t have yet.
5. Try to engage co-workers in non-work-related conversation.
6. Change my Yahoo IM display image…again. I’m a ballroom dancer! Now I’m on a picnic with my Chihuahua! Now I’m a biker!
7. Stare at insurance books pretending to study while I secretly think of song choices for when I compete on American Idol.
8. Check and touch up make-up.
9. Restock sodas in the refrigerator.
10. Stare at my nails and remind myself for the upteenth time that I need to trim my cuticles.
11. Add ink to all of my signature stamps.
12. Check company calendar to see who has appointments and vacations coming up. Yes, I am nosy.
13. Reprogram all the stations on my radio.

Ways to Pretend to Work While I Wait for 4:30
1. Email best friend and brag that I went to Maggiano’s for lunch on the company’s dime.
2. Think of how Katie Holmes has forever ruined the song I Want You to Want Me.
3. Bathroom break!
4. Hands are dry. Must ask a co-worker for lotion.
5. Thirsty. Need Diet Coke.
6. Out of Kleenex…back to the breakroom.
7. Check makeup.
8. Glasses smudged. Need to clean.
9. Restock sodas again.
10. Take time to cut plastic rings from sodas into tiny pieces to protect the marine life who might otherwise get caught and starve to death.
11. Randomly open my desk drawers as if something has magically appeared in them since the last time I opened them.
12. Throw out all pens and highlighters that no longer work.
13. Actually study insurance book.
14. Try to train self to sleep with eyes open.